You’re not awful. He needs a lot of extra attention. Your daughter is doing ok and they can’t be compared. You might have to go a lot slower with him, explain things literally, warn him WAY ahead of time with any tasks he needs to do, or places he has to go.
He can’t handle sudden changes in direction.
I know because I had aspects of that. I wasn’t destructive but I’d get inconsolable. I did well when I was prepared and horribly when I had to “go with the flow”. So I’d act out in various ways to any changes that I had no say over.
Biofeedback was my biggest help. Learning awareness of my body and its signals. It gave me self control of my thinking processes and a way to monitor my own emotional states, something that apparently is easier for most folks.
Even today at 47, I couldn’t tell you how I’m feeling emotionally right now. But I could tell you how I’m breathing, or what feels warm or cool, or whether my thinking is clear or scattered.
But that’s the substitute I have to use for being unable to tell you my emotions and I can rationalize into giving a “name” that _probably_ represents how I’m feeling.
But I lack the ability to “know” how I’m feeling. That’s where learning body awareness is key: I can at least do _something_ – lower my breathing rate, drink a glass of water, listen to my legs if they’re restless and go for a walk. Go into a dark room if I’m feeling “hot” and scatterbrained – as I know that’s a sign that I’m stressed. I can only monitor the physical senses as they arrive.
That’s what biofeedback has helped with.