I’ve searched for years for “my people” or “my clan”. I’ve complained about it for… well, decades, at least since I was a teenager. I always felt different, set aside, apart, separate-from.
I still do to a fundamental degree. But such is being human at some level.
What has changed in me however, and I am not suggesting it is superior; everybody’s road is unique to them – just that it is on the path that I’m on at present; is this:
I find the remnants of my people in other people. Some people seem to have nearly none. Some have more than others.
Considering that I am a member of a species which seems to have a common root, and due to the fact that I am a _part of_ this very same species that makes so little sense to me most of the time, I almost feel it a duty.
It’s what I mean when I say that I search to find “the humanity” in others. I’m looking for those parts that reflect “me” back and I recognize myself in them. This doesn’t require agreement with my beliefs, but rather a kind of mutual understanding of some kind.
You and I are communicating. You are of my clan because we are talking. Yet there are levels of being a “part of”. I don’t have them all laid out… but a desire for some sort of mutual understanding of a deeper part of ourselves is definitely something that is of “my lost people”.
I am not the ultimate member of it. I don’t know who is, or _if_ anybody is. But that’s what keeps me going, especially when I deal with individuals who seem so radically different than me. In those cases, I don’t expect a “mutual” understanding, but rather I try to see parallels, where I might be doing exactly the same thing that they do that doesn’t make sense to me… but I do it in a different way.
Gossip for example.
I never understood gossipers. But now I do. By way of analogy, I’m gossiping right now with you. But instead of talking about other people, we’re gossiping about our inner selves or gossiping about humanity in general. It’s not entirely the same of course, but in my way of thinking, it’s engaging a lot of the similar cognitive processes that they use when they gossip. I’m just utilizing them differently, as tools for comprehending what I consider my reality, much as they do for theirs.