Yeah. That sounds like me. If someone asked me or I ask myself “What am I avoiding right now?” I’d say “nothing” because I don’t know I’m avoiding something.
I lack a certain “naming awareness” of my own emotional state but I can describe the physical symptoms that probably add up to that emotional state.
So I’ll say “I’m fine” and mean it 100% but then I’ll genuinely wonder
“why is water coming out of my eyes? Weird. I’m not sad”.
Then I’ll sigh deeply.
“Oh I probably need some air or a glass of water.”
then I’ll sit down and not want to move and my head will be down.
“Why is your head down? That’s not good for your neck. Pick up your head.”
Head stays down, slight whimper. Deep sigh, wet eyes.
“Wait… is this sad? I’m not sad – is this sadness?”
and that’s what it’s like. Every single time.
You’re welcome! I don’t know if it’s the same – but I certainly feel like I understand what James is saying and meaning here. I hope it helps! And thank you as it helps me to see my own thought processes written out like this.
I don’t know what I think until I think or or feel until I go through it so this is good feedback.