would I survive monastic life? I like to think so, but would i really?

I’m an incessant smoker (although not drinker); and while I _didn’t smoke_ while I was there, that part was a very hard part of the three weeks. Very short span of time, honestly. I almost stayed. I really wanted to but, a lot like an opportunity to move to India to start a computer company in ’93, or going to Julliard when I was 10… I knew once I joined, I wouldn’t ever leave and I wasn’t ready for that level of commitment.

Mentally, I don’t know if it’s a “good fit” for me in the long term. What made for a nice vacation that I put my everything into, would I be able to handle the ongoing months of service? I don’t know. I don’t know if I have unseen (by me) mental health issues but I know to avoid situations that could lead me too far in one direction or another, so at some level, I’m aware of limitations.

[for example, I would not have survived in the military. I’m sure I would have been one who they successfully ‘cracked’ in boot camp but wouldn’t have been able to put together again. Probably the reason why I always rant about the way public schools tend to be run – same idea]..

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