Most shameful? Letting people “get to me” easily when I was young. Easily goaded into fights or outbursts. I learned self-control but not through them. Biofeedback. Breathing. I would’ve needed that training _anyway_ because I had anxiety issues generally speaking, but a few of those outbursts were the moments I knew better and failed.
Did the failure make me try harder to succeed? I don’t think so. But they were tests. Some I succeeded in, some I failed at. I don’t buy the argument of “toughing up” people. It just turns people into “me-too” assholes and I think I successfully evaded that mostly. I feel bad for those who got caught in the trap though.
I knew a guy once that was raised with a mother who believed in “toughening him up”. I knew him when we were in our 20s and he was proud of how his mom raised him. All he knew I suppose.
He had a dog. German Shepherd. He used to punch the dog in the face, sideways. He believed it was toughening his dog up.
We didn’t stay friends for long after that. His justification didn’t resonate with me and it seemed abusive.and I started avoiding him when he’d come by to hang out. I told him off once about it but he didn’t understand, but at least he stopped coming by after that.
When someone was abused and says, “and look at me, I turned out fine!”, I really look at them and I can see where they didn’t. Not much can be done except try to prevent it from happening elsewhere if possible.