Usually several hundred. I’m down to just this one and I feel naked. Exposed. Bare. Barren. Clueless. Aimless. Hopeless. Pointless. Uncertain. Perplexed. Annoyed. Discombobulated. It’s intentional but I don’t like it. Something I force myself to do once a month or two. INFP
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….. well.. really seasonal. .. like quarterly or so. My projects go on for years, some for months, some for days.Longest set I had was two years – I think it was between 2017-2018.===I don’t like this lost feeling at all. But I hit a point in projects where I need to do a broad view, something I’m really really really bad at — don’t know how to do at all — and so I keep hoping it’ll magically come to me.I trust my intuition to save the day. It always/usually does. But not on a time schedule I like===Yeah, unmedicated. I did smoke cigarettes for a lot of years which helped a little but put it on pause a couple of years ago and forgot to restart. I think.In 2015 I did a massive effort in analysis: I put it through a thing librarians use to catalog papers in dewey decimal system and I figured out some of where my writings would probably end up if they were a part of books in libraries.It also showed me things I was empty on, like Logic and Philosophy. So, I joined some philosophy groups on FB, made new friends, learned a lot of philosophy in a year or so, expanded my knowledge. It was fun.===Thanks — yeah I’m definitely autistic spectrum as well. It can be tricky though: the “Hyperfocus” of ADHD can look like autism.I finally narrowed it down back in July 2021 that it was probably due to being premature (6.5 months) and I know which parts of the brain (white matter) and how they connected differently (probably) to result in me thinking the way I do about things.Surprisingly, people born extremely low birthweight and early like me often end up having extremely similar patterns that don’t entirely conform to adhd or autism or other things that are similar in that family but DO resemble each other. I think they called it a “phenotype”? anyway, it was groundbreaking and answered a lot of questions.===Ultimately the things I want to know about myself won’t cross a bridge that I’d like to cross, which is “what is the correct thought/action at any given moment given the situation I’m in at the time?”The answer is accepting being a screw up sometimes. Still, it’d be nice to know what to do in any situation.-0—–Yeah, the connections are different. Blossoms of neurons locally in bundles but fewer cross brain connections, leading to pockets of smarts but poor generalized thinking, such as what’s needed for social assumptions. So super smart in some things (“musically gifted”, whatever that is) and “absent minded professor” in social interactions.I mean I learned the hard way – rationally, slowly, over years. But it’s not automated.In short, what’s normally implicit knowledge I have to do in an explicit way, sort of how little kids say every thought but learn to start keeping social secrets around 8 years old. I still was an open book.===