Thinking of you. By kenneth udut.
For everyone. You know if it’s for you. It is. For you.
When I say, I’m thinking of you, don’t take it too lightly.
What do I mean when I say Thinking of you?
When I say this, I think of everything we ever shared. Every laugh we ever had together. Every word we ever spoke. Every smile we ever smiled.
When I think of you, I think of all of you. In your entirety within my brain.
Inside of my mind, I have a mental image of who ”you” are. This is not the same as to you actually are, only you know that. But all of the good, all of the bad, all of in between. I have a picture of this in my mind.
I have a mental picture of you from every time we ever spoke, every word is recorded in my mind. I have an image of you from before I met you. I have images of you from long after we will never see each other again.
I anticipate how you think. I anticipate how you feel.
When I say, ”thinking of you” that is exactly what I mean. Thinking. Of you. That is no small thing. Don’t take it too lightly. Because, in that split second that it takes to think of you, I think of
Everything in my mind that is associated with you.
If they took a scan of my brain at the moment I was thinking of you, they would See multicolored electricity flashing out from the center of my mind, in great three-dimensional spikes. Tree like shapes would be spread everywhere. The synapses of my brain being surpassed by electrical neural impulses.
In that moment that I am thinking of you, the chemicals inside of my body would experience every emotion I ever felt when I was with you.
All of the Happys. All of the sads. All the frustrations. All of the mad.
In that moment that I think of you, I not only see myself as thinking of you, but for a moment with in that moment, I become you. Looking at me. For just a moment of a moment of a moment.
And in that moment Within a moment within a moment: I understand.
And then it passes.
And what I am left with, is a feeling that you have passed here. That I just experienced Being in your presence.
Now, my mental image of you is fragmentary at best. It’s only encompasses perhaps 5% of what you have presented to me as to what is you.
Still, in that little bit that you allowed me to see you, I appreciate it. The high. The low. The side to side. The In. The out. The Up The down.
I like you. Even at your best. Even at your worst. I like you.
Even when you call me names. Even when you are nice to me. I like you.
I accept you for who you are. I accept what I know of you. And I accept the things I will never know about you.
You are my friend.
I am sad because you are not here right now. Or, I’m not there And I can’t be there right now. For that, I am sorry.
I miss you.
You were my friend. You are my friend. You will always be my friend.
My mind and my heart remember everything.
And I just wanted to say:
Thinking of you.
-Ken April 28, 2013, 1:10 PM.