But I don’t see either of you as nuts, just at a polarity of opinions.
Talk it over with him. You had your life experiences. I had mine. He had his. I’ve been labeled a lot of things, some true, some not.
But fwiw, I don’t consider either of you racist. I think we get ridiculous with word-choices sometimes, yet sometimes it matters. Usually it’s just ridiculous either way, a world of implications without much meat behind it.