I thought hard about this one for a lot of years since writing that. I still don’t have complete answers for myself and definitely not answers for anybody else; but i’ve explored a few things. I wrote that in 2010; and it hits hard; in 2013, I decided to put my money where my thought was and wrote poetry inside of our state’s fictitious name database; a chain of fictitious names leading to a fictitious name that seems like my given name and it is, but it also isn’t. Celebrities do it, so I can too, I reasoned. So here, KENNETH E UDUT is a fictitious name owned by SOMEBODY. But is SOMEBODY? SOMEBODY is owned by NOBODY. So now I could say legally from 2013-2018, KENNETH E UDUT is SOMEBODY who is owned by NOBODY. Yet it was all a fiction and yet it seemed to resemble truth.

 I thought hard about
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One of my favorite fiction stories with a butterfly was a time travel short story from the 60s or 70s or whatever. Before my time but it was at the library. They had to be very careful not to bring anything from the past into the future or it would wreck things. But a little butterfly got caught in a tiny pocket of air between the ship and the time stream and made it into the future. And the butterfly started a series of events that unraveled the further future. It was pretty amazing actually.

One of my favorite [read full article]


The politics of the Russian/Greek Orthodox churches bored me. I’m a liberal / leftist. Always was. Multicultural, cultural relativist, all that stuff. So, no, no need for a lecture about universal history but you can if you like. I know. Doesn’t take away from the fact that that map is a beautiful piece of revisionist history. There may be no UNIVERSAL world history but there ARE promotional materials designed to sway minds.

 There’s a reason why
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Ah, while I don’t have that, I do have something similar that I have to stay defensive on regarding the present moment zone and attentiveness: For me it’s an overactive “anticipation mechanism”. I see/viscerally feel/experience disaster many hundreds or thousands of times in a day. The experience lasts the shortest of moments. but it’s visual or auditory but mainly my body preparing for it but I have to hold firm and not show it. Imagine ducking as a beam falls on you without showing that you’re ducking and that’s what it feels like; a quick “preparedness configuration” of the body muscles but just a tug. Sometimes I talk my way through it quickly or berate myself, but I move away from the sensation as quickly as possible as it’s uncomfortable.

Ah, while I don’t
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