I had an opportunity to go to Juilliard as a child I didn’t want it and it turned out later my mother was just going along with what teachers and friends kept telling her. for six months i took special lessons to do the entrance I don’t remember anything in particular about the lessons but I kept getting these flashes of being instructed towards ever greater and greater perfection in the smallest and smallest things and I thought of the Olympics and first second and third place were functionally identical to each other but with uneven reward 1984. I was 12. The Olympics were amazing that year. after six months of lessons I asked if I had to go to Julliard. I knew what motivated me by then and what did not and would be broken if I had to be forced to be more perfect, to play in front of judges. I didn’t know if they would put signs up with scores: I almost wish they did but I feel like it would’ve been quiet writing with consequences decided in a secret room. I have no regrets not going, even if I was wrong. she listened to me. I didn’t have to go.later on I found out she wasn’t into it either but she was willing to do it if I wanted it my first piano teacher may have been that kind of sadistic but I was a good student. my sister who is as much of a student as me did not have the musical ability. two years my senior, one day the music teacher told her that she would never be as good as her brother. she cried in the car on the way home and my mother tried to console her because of her art talent. she felt better but said “but anybody can draw”, not fully realizing at the time her own gift. she never touched the piano after that maybe I didn’t want that experience in Julliard. that harpsichord teacher in the story is the level of evil that angers every fiber because when you’re in a position of power you need to be responsible with that power

I had an opportunity … [read full article]


when you shoot a rocket to the moon it takes thousands and thousands of tiny course corrections to get there. You can’t expect automated guidance systems to do all the work for you. It takes ongoing manual intervention. It’s not easy and it takes vigilance. Nobody’s good at it and sometimes it’s annoying but it is what it is. Always learning.

 when you shoot a
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Brianna Bulger I don’t think opinions necessarily mean emotionally charged. when someone “just wants the truth” I read that as seeking honesty as I am a person which is a member of the set of “people”, I believe my answer is valid for at least some people, or at least “person”. I don’t know what most or all people think though because there’s too much variety in opinion

Brianna Bulger
I don’t … [read full article]


there is a look in his face that I recognize in my generation “i’m full of shit right now and you guys really are a bunch of suckers” look. i’m not good at reading most faces but I can read the faces of my generation. he can afford to be anything he wants without any real consequence because he can buy his way out of any problem he has a freedom that only money can buy I don’t envy that freedom – i’m just disappointed that regular people can’t see what brings him freedom they attribute demigod properties to him. they believe that he has some kind of super smart. they believe wealthy people work harder. wealthy people do not work harder they’re wealthy because they learned how to get OUT of working hard 1) have sufficient funds so the basic needs are always cared for 2) take credit (see Thomas Edison for model) 3) have a team of lawyers any of us would be charming and happy and likable without a care in the world we could pursue our dreams there’s no consequence that can’t be paid off it is what it is but it’s the look on his face that I recognize that doesn’t come from money : it comes from “I am lying to you right now and you can’t see it”.

there is a look … [read full article]


oh I found out the name for it!! decomposition or deconstruction decomposition is a computer science term used in a process they call computational thinking deconstruction comes from Derrieria “who waxed wise on deconstruction by looking at binary terms.” but those are terms. It’s something humans do naturally so it’s very difficult to find generalized information about it. now I know the two terms to use.

oh I found out … [read full article]