I had an opportunity to go to Juilliard as a child I didn’t want it and it turned out later my mother was just going along with what teachers and friends kept telling her. for six months i took special lessons to do the entrance I don’t remember anything in particular about the lessons but I kept getting these flashes of being instructed towards ever greater and greater perfection in the smallest and smallest things and I thought of the Olympics and first second and third place were functionally identical to each other but with uneven reward 1984. I was 12. The Olympics were amazing that year. after six months of lessons I asked if I had to go to Julliard. I knew what motivated me by then and what did not and would be broken if I had to be forced to be more perfect, to play in front of judges. I didn’t know if they would put signs up with scores: I almost wish they did but I feel like it would’ve been quiet writing with consequences decided in a secret room. I have no regrets not going, even if I was wrong. she listened to me. I didn’t have to go.later on I found out she wasn’t into it either but she was willing to do it if I wanted it my first piano teacher may have been that kind of sadistic but I was a good student. my sister who is as much of a student as me did not have the musical ability. two years my senior, one day the music teacher told her that she would never be as good as her brother. she cried in the car on the way home and my mother tried to console her because of her art talent. she felt better but said “but anybody can draw”, not fully realizing at the time her own gift. she never touched the piano after that maybe I didn’t want that experience in Julliard. that harpsichord teacher in the story is the level of evil that angers every fiber because when you’re in a position of power you need to be responsible with that power

I had an opportunity … [read full article]


Well, the more you have, you replace “struggle” with fear of loss and paranoia. You don’t have to work hard in prosperity. You may work but it’s not the same kind of back-breaking struggle labor that you do when you are impoverished. So now you gain. with that, you fear loss. People have smaller families because it focuses the prosperity to only a few. This has been encouraged since the 1950s. The US encouraged nuclear families as did the UN — the US because it frankly sold more mortgages and the UN to assist with poverty in India and other nations. China’s response was extreme with one-child-per-family but it was a similar impetus: reduce family poverty by reducing family sizes, increase mortgages, spread out prosperity at the bottom while increasing it at the top. China’s plan, while weird was successful and they removed that restriction while removing employee supplied housing in exchange for what became a western style mortgage lending boom… which is now about to implode on them.

Well, the more you
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It wasn’t until about two years ago that I noticed tasting some things that touched my skin. It really spooked me, particularly when the taste would linger and linger, until I found out it’s a relatively common enough experience and logical: what is the tongue after all but a part of skin? Chemicals that get absorbed into the capillaries of the skin can quickly slide sideways until it reaches the tongue where the tastebuds and olfactory system picks it up. Still unnerving when it happens but at least I can make some sense of it – another of the many things I wish they taught in schools I went to. But skin primarily uses various pressure sensors, temperature difference senses – I forget what they all are – and they form various images for us. One example is the sensation of “wet” is a combination of a certain drop in temperature on the skin surface and a certain amount of pressure, which is why things that are dry can ‘feel wet” – or a sensation I get sometimes, objects “feeling like glass”, which I assume is a certain combination forming a mental tactile image for me and leads to the deduction: “glass”. usually. But what of music? Sound is air pressure mechanically and electrically and chemically converted in a particular way to electrical/chemical impulses that are broken up in a serial (temporal event boundaries / start – stop) and parallel (frequency range, simultaneous) way and also in multiple serial/parallel layers (distinguishing musical notes playing and what instruments they are), likely in a “location” way…. While all of the senses except for olfactory – the most primitive – pass through a “triage”/sorting system/ gateway / cosmopolitan area early on – the thalamus (and the olfactory joins them a moment later in the “mediodorsal thalamic nucleus” (MDT) I just learned – do they establish a common internal communication protocol? A common language? Or, more pragmatically, can (or have) we create an artificial lingua franca for sensation that is robust enough to handle synesthetic (multi-modal) sensations and their resulting associative imagery?

It wasn’t until about … [read full article]