I try to notice my emotions as they pass by internally. Been practicing it since some silly biofeedback thing my mother sent me to when I was 11 yrs old so I could learn self-control, as I tended towards what she called getting “inconsolable” at times.
Well, silly as it was, it worked. I’m 43 now. I had other training; some during my religious phase in my late 20s (a month at a monestary – I was super-obsessive convert to Eastern Orthodox for 5 years).
Anyway, none of that at the moment.
Am I being dishonest? Well, here’s the thing:
I have (core me).
I also have “apparent me”.
I control parts of my apparent me, but most of my apparent me comes from other people’s expectations of me. So – if it can, and it doesn’t go against the (core me), I go along with them. I make the path smooth.
I express the (core me) through the filters of other people’s expectations of me.
I can’t control how they see me entirely, only a little. But I don’t mistake the apparent me for the (core me).
Authenticity for me is maintaining my (core me) throughout. I express it as best I can, but I don’t care if I’m misrepresented by someone else, unless it is something (core me) can’t handle.