Since I was young – for all the time I can recall – I have a tendency to disappear. It’s not that I stare off into space per se but rather I join the landscape and experience experiencing. Things that are and are not simultaneously yet also interact in multiple knotted streams.
It’s a tendency I’m always at battle with. My main tool was provided young and that’s an internal pace. It’s a strong “pull” towards self. The (human) world rarely operates at that pace so I feel constant conflict. But when I can “be”, my pace can just merge and I vanish again.