Of course one trap leads to another trap but this trap for example is a trap I mind less than other traps I could’ve gone into.

Well, when I was 17 I was gonna do Quantum physics. Hated the math though. I was going to invent my own mathematical style using BASIC and skipping the weird 18th century bullshit language they use. I think in loops and subroutines anyway.

But, didn’t. Every choice I made added up to end up where I am here. I’m glad for it. Even my time in NJ, glad for. Made great money, learned stocks, played ‘em, did great. Systems Analyst somehow. Other weird jobs – volunteered full time for a year working with cerebral palsy kids – that was the most fun.

But yeah, I usually trusted my gut intuition on things. I never liked feeling “trapped”. Still hate it. I can feel a trap coming and find ways out. Of course one trap leads to another trap but this trap for example is a trap I mind less than other traps I could’ve gone into.

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Oh I agree. Smoking is definitely the devil’s incense as one monk it to me years ago. Coping skills. There’s plenty of metaphorical demons locked away in cages here. I know they’re there. True freedom would be great but I’m still in servicing-others mode.

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I’ve worked with kids before (usually nieces and nephews but even volunteering at times) and their repetitiveness never bothered me. “But why?” was always my favorite stuff. My first answer would suck, so I’d have to try another way. And another way. And another way. And another way, until they were satisfied. I have adult family members that aren’t so different than that. Poke, prod, dig, find my weak spots, exploit them, try to emotionally manipulate me, try to get under my skin. Good practice for me. Makes me stronger each encounter.

 

wait: stronger isn’t the word. Nimble. Agile.

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