Music composes in my mind continually; it never stops or ends.
That’s the other thing; the music.
I like it – it’s good that I do.
I researched WHERE the music comes from and I found out what part of the brain; took a while. the inner composition process is linked to the same areas that the muscles use for rehearsal; the pre-SMA.
So, the inner music composition is being composed by performed by invisible fingers and an unmoving voicebox in the area of the brain that constructs muscle sequences just prior to movement. It can “run free wheeling” – disconnected from the muscles it’s designed to control.
Hence, the inner music composition I enjoy.
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So, I don’t need musical instruments to play on; again, I disappear if I’m not producing. It’s not a frightening state; it’s just I feel I should engage with the world as long as I can.
I produce because maybe it’ll help somebody somewhere somehow and sometimes it does. Yet I wouldn’t be any lesser if I didn’t do that or if it did nothing.
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also, I’m aware of my body’s workings for the entire 16 hours a day waking period.
I have to multitask; simultaneous awareness of the body along with engaging with the outside world along with engaging with the inner mental world.
I operate at 110% all the time. I can also stop; but when I stop, I stop.
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