Me, a total idealist I suppose, stopped believing in “true love”, soul mates and such.

Me, a total idealist I suppose, stopped believing in “true love”, soul mates and such.

I haven’t sought out romance in any way for a long time. Gave up in my mid 20s. I’m 43 now. I am how I am and I like myself.

I think a lot of unhappiness is found in seeking soulmates. That’s not to say they can’t be found. That’s not to say that they’re not right in front of you and you don’t even see it. That’s not to say that love *couldn’t* be like a fairy tale.

But… a lot of our ideas about love, romance, compatibility…_does_ seem to be a fairy tale.. and what you find in its place is a series of negotiations of “who is in control of whom here?”

Blame is typically placed on the victim. Self-blame goes along with it.

The thing is, there are no victims. The blame is in the ethos, the expectations of the whole process that are set up when we are very young and the mythology we believe from our childhoods about love and such.

How many people ‘find true love” and will shout it from the rooftops as they give love advice as if they are experts… only to find their own relationships failing a few years later?

Yeah, I grew cynical. Yet, I’m still an idealist: I’m not worried about finding companionship, should I decide to seek it again.

But this time, I know it will take obsessiveness, commitment, and work. Lots of work. NOT at carving away the parts of myself or the parts of my partner that I don’t like. Or trying to reshape my partner into somebody I wish they would be.

Rather, it’s accepting who they are entirely with the simple condition that they accept me as I am.

If it doesn’t happen? Well, then it doesn’t.

I realized my standards were too high and I didn’t want to fight to meet them anymore and have been learning to love and accept myself ever since.

But I don’t know, honestly. I’ve fallen madly, deeply, passionately in love and honestly, I don’t want to lose that self-control again. It was too much to bear. I have too much else to offer the world and have been. I have no regrets.

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