Like, sometimes I challenge myself with the question, “What are you avoiding RIGHT NOW?”

Reality can be damned irritating, I’ll give them that much.

Like, sometimes I challenge myself with the question, “What are you avoiding RIGHT NOW?”

I answer it. Write it down. Then I ask it again. Answer it. Write it down. Then ask it again.

I repeat until I hit something that makes me get out of the chair and say “fuck this shit”, and distract myself with something else.

That’s when I know I’ve “hit it”. Do I actually *face it*? No. But I get the “dealable” realities done at least.

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Not officially, but I’m definitely either ADHD and/or the autistic spectrum. I wasn’t sure about ADHD until I saw something in a book (!) last year that mentioned “something hyperfocus” – and goes through hyperfocus and then at the tendency of people with ADHD to make long lists and rules. Very specific things they follow in their internal dialogue.

[or maybe it was a book on autism. Or aspergers – I don’t remember]

But yeah, definitely me. My observer even observes me in my dreams and does a running commentary. Useful in remembering them and trying to figure out their metaphors, usually based upon my last waking period.

Yeah, self-observation, whatever the diagnosis, is an always ongoing thing. I never get bored

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Since I was a kid (around 11) I became obsessed with the notion of a thought collected. Invented a few through the years. Still nothing fully satisfactory. Upped my typing speed to 110 wpm by the age of 20, still there, still not enough. Tried other means, they all suck. Being concise with words? lol hard.
 
Latest experiment is http://icopiedyou.comm where I’m collecting everything I ever wrote online in one place. I keep it public to keep me honest but make it ugly so ‘who would WANT to see it?”. A google for “past kens” who wrote that stuff.
 
Collecting output as I produce has been satisfying. No idea what I’ll do with it but the collection process (this is one method of a few I use) at least gives me a sense of purpose for outputting… or direction .. or ‘something to do as i do it’. Whatever  
 
This very comment here I’m making is going in. Right, relatively-speaking: “now”.
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  thank you :) I find sleep annoying because I lose ‘this kind’ of awareness I like dreaming but hate the standard-passage-of-time time it steals Alas I have to go there. Head falling down. 7:47am here up all night. Benefits of running a biz and making my role simple. I make use of that ‘one weird trick’ where the ‘last thing you think about before bed is what you wake up with”. Tonight Ill find an interesting question to ask and see what comes up.

G’nite/day/whatever. (y)

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