Kenneth Udut: Integrity. What does integrity mean to you physically, personally and socially?

Iain Taylor: What does having integrity mean to you physically, personally and socially?

Kenneth Udut Physically? I like having a close enough balance in proteins, carbs and fats. No specific numbers, just a ‘sense’ that started with numbers. Oh wait – yeah it is numbers Over 50g protein (75g-100g max), try to keep carbs under 60g a meal or under 30g per snacks and if I have saturated fat, I make sure I have some unsaturated fat during the day. I try to not have excessive salt but drink extra water when I do to “spread it out”. [I dont need salt-caves in me]… and I try to avoid white flour and sugar but they’re not demonized – I’ll still eat them.

Personally? That’s the feeling or emotion of integrity right? Integrity feeling comes from staying close to my methodology of internal thought processes. How it’s produced rather than results. Brutal honesty with myself as well as lying to myself are each acceptable to my integrity as I’ve never found a way to entirely eliminate self-lying. Sugar-coating/spin within my own mind is included in integrity and when I harm myself by excessive brutality via excess precision (beyond what I’m capable of), then I have lost my integrity. Integrity also means keeping to my own pace, following my own music as it were. Very difficult in practice as the world pulls me to and fro at slower and faster rates than I’d like.

Social integrity? I want people to like me, so I give them what I think they want from me, which is validation (and that includes debating and arguing if I think they’re wrong because that treats them as equals) with contrition and compliance with an eye to making a friend in the end. I’m emotionally expressive in my writing yet also know I lecture and am long and boring, but brevity is only sometimes a mark of integrity for me. Brevity is more of a game; how to fit the most concepts in the least amount of words and hoping the listener unravels my package of words correctly.

So there you go. I never knew the answer to that question until now, and so now, I know myself a little better now. That’s at the core of my integrity: knowing the world better through knowing myself better. If I’m moving away from that as my goal, then I’ve moved away from what’s integral to me.

I don’t mean integral in a literal mathematical sense, although come to think about it, perhaps it *is* literal and mathematical. O_O

Personal Integrity shortened: Protect the young Kenneth Udut (pre-3rd Grade) from the activities, thought processes and emotional activities of the 3rd Grade-and-beyond Kenneth Udut and educate him about everything I experience.

He needs protection and a *proper* education (which only his older self can give) because 2nd grade was horrible and I had no idea what was going on. Been taking a lifetime to explain it all to him.

December 9, 2014

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