It’s normal to me. I _have_ to operate and not-operate from an internal still-point.

As an introspective personality accustomed to self-observation-while-existing/doing/being, and likely as a coping mechanism for childhood anxiety issues, I learned stillness young and practice it continually.

It’s normal to me. I _have_ to operate and not-operate from an internal still-point. If I do not, the environment (external environment and inner-mind/self state environment) easily starts to become overwhelming.

I can trace back _how_ I learned it, who my teachers were and I suspect the path I ended up taking to being on the path that I am on is probably odd, but it is what it is.

The “kernel of stillness” (whatever one wants to call it) is where I am. I’m rarely not there. This isn’t bragging because to me, it’s a necessity for keeping a “clear head”.

I suspect I’m somewhere on the autistic spectrum or ADHD or some kind of thing. I don’t know how I’d be diagnosed, but the “input” of the world was always overwhelming to me and to be able to handle it required a combination of acceptance, understanding, internal stillness and continually learning discernment.

==

That’s probably it. I’ve read up on it in the past and thank you, I’ll look at it again. I suspect what they categorized as “anxiety” when I was young would now be categorized as “sensory processing disorder”, yes.

==

I was born premature (6.5 months) and diagnosed with cerebral palsy. I am 1/2 deaf and 1/2 blind. I was active and loud but did not respond “normally” to things.

I was lucky that there was a center for cerebral palsy nearby where I lived and from the ages of 2-4 years old, I was given a lot of physical therapy. Things like: put me on a ball and roll me towards the floor.

What would happen at first is that I would allow the floor to hit me in the face. I was more curious than concerned.

So they had to train me to put my arms out and stop myself.

In any case, they were successful in rewiring my brain somewhat and I was able to enter school.

When I was 8, I had training for stuttering. I learned to “pause” consciously before speaking, for just a moment.

This little “nugget of pause” before speaking was a huge difference for me. I had a little “space inside” where I could process first before acting.

Other various things through the years expanded that space. Biofeedback at the age of 11 for further self-control. A little buddhism stuff. A little Christian prayer stuff. All compatible techniques that suited me, each with their own strengths and weaknesses.

So, I continue. I continue developing this little “inner space” as time goes on, understanding it more, and through it, understanding not just myself but surprisingly much of the world makes more and more sense in the process.

I’m grateful for the experience.

==

From a daoist perspective, that would make you exceptionally lucky.
“Some people conform naturally to the way, without knowing how.”
==

yeah, I’m very grateful. I wouldn’t want to be any other way than what I am. In my mid 20s, during my religion-hopping phase, I converted to Eastern Orthodox Christianity. I’m not a part of it now – I’m agnostic (as in “I don’t know”) but I wanted to explore the depths of the tradition I was raised in (Christianity) and through a process of discovery and curiousity and historically, they seemed to be “it”.

I spent a short time in a monastery and knew the lifestyle was compatible for me, should I ever choose it.

They have a concept of “noetic prayer” which reminded me of daoist meditation, at least my limited understanding of it. My exposure to daoism was a few books as a teenager, and I found myself nodding in agreement, although I did not care for the harsh dichotomies presented in the text for balance, for to me, all there *is* is the “center”.

There may be two extremes, there may be 17 extremes in other directions, other dimensions. But there’s always a stillness at the center which has properties that are unlike that which surround it.

So, for me, I have yet to find an existing tradition that speaks to me exclusively, yet I have found aspects in all of the worlds religions and introspective sciences that has SOME component to it that is, more or less, equivalent to that stillness point.

It may be expressed in different ways. Awe and wonder is sometimes a reaction people get when they’re unprepared. A logical person will can completely perplexed by a paradox for example not realizing that *they* are the resolution of the paradox, whatever paradox – any paradox.

Anyway, I could write volumes about this. I would if I was better organized. In any case, thank you for recognizing my naive daoism. It means a lot to me to be seen.

==

 

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