You’re welcome – and thank you for the feedback! I couldn’t always see it, mind you. Even now, I sometimes want to take out the nail. But I’ve learned to wait and listen, sometimes provide course corrections but ever so carefully, ever so slightly because I don’t want to intrude on the process.
Being supportive for the long term is sometimes more important than a single incident, and a single incident handled poorly projects into the future. It doesn’t matter if it’s a correct projection or not; looking into the future, we have limited data to work with, and current and past actions are what we use to project into the future.
It’s all quite scientific, just in a realm that men aren’t trained very well in, generally.
It’s not easy to wrap your mind around. Think about how men are trained to view women, how you were trained… how I was trained. Cultural stereotypes. We’re trained to respond in a certain way, including seeing that behavior as worthy of ridicule.
Yet, be scientific: Ask: “What if” there is a reason for her behaving like this? What if she is coming at the situation from an entirely different perspective than you’re accustomed to? What if that perspective is valid?
Then, ask yourself: What is that perspective? What might she be looking for?
Imagine you are buying a car. You research it to death. You want to know all the good and bad parts about it. You want to know what problems people had with it. You want to know how other people respond to those that drive that car. What will it cost you? How long will you have it? What will its value be?
What about its flaws? You can live with certain flaws if you know them ahead of time.
You get the car. You have it for a while. But then you hear a noise that you recognize. A very bad noise. An “Oh shit” noise.
That noise could be a DEALBREAKER, signs that, you’d better get rid of this car before it becomes a financial sinkhole.
Now, replace your currency:
Instead of money, it’s love.
Instead of a car, it’s the partner in a relationship.
Sound ridiculous? It’s not. It’s just a different currency than men are trained to deal with.
I’m oversimplifying it greatly but considering this is a common problem, I doubt many have been successful at translating properly, so Im just doing my best here.