I’m probably on the autistic spectrum. I don’t know where.

I’m probably on the autistic spectrum. I don’t know where. I’ve had people who have Asperger’s tell me “Yup, you’re an Aspie” but the thing is I have a very strong sense of empathy towards people (and things too. I don’t ask for it, just how I’m wired I guess) and people often think “I’m just like them”.

So, I dunno.

But I always found autistic and severally handicapped ppl people I could relate to. I never related to people that fit in the bell curve; but I always related to people who fell outside of the norms, on any of the edges of it. [slow, gifted, didn’t matter, so long as they were misfits to the systems in place]

Still, it’s possible. I once saw a book on what makes people with autism different. Or maybe it was a book on ADD. I dunno…

… and it mentioned making long lists of rules for even the smallest things. Mental lists.. being extremely rational about things other people would just ‘intuit’ or assume. Rang bells with me in a big way, and since I’m pretty sure the book was on autism or Asperger’s rather than ADD, and other things in the book matched, it’s likely I fit it to some degree.

Then again, I see sociopaths, friends with some, see some examples of them and I can see how *they’re* thinking too. It might not be MY way, but I can see why they think the way they do, and the logic they use makes sense, just not my logic.

So, I dunno.

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I have sensory overload. Too much input at once and I have to get out of the situation. Usually groups of people. Might be due to partial deafness (ok, it’s severe but I don’t flaunt it or do anything about it except listen more closely – was born with it so it’s normal to me) but also I can ‘feel’ the emotional vibes in a room. I don’t feel what they feel, I just notice it and I’m ok unless I get dragged into it. Then, it’s doom for me.

Tunnel vision, ears red, brain a mile a minute. Hasn’t happened in a long time because I construct my life so I don’t have to deal with those situations.

As a kid, they’d call me ‘inconsolable”. I’d get into a “state” and nobody could reach me, whatever that meant.

Biofeedback training at 11 fixed most of it. Breathing techniques, guided meditation, new age-y shit for the time (early 80s) but more accepted now.

I got to control a computer with my mind: that was cool. I still do it that way, just with my fingers typing as well tongue emoticon

Anyway, I could *probably* be as close to an example of someone who PROBABLY is autistic that you find in the group, unless somebody better comes along smile emoticon

I can also describe strange nerve things I get as well. Skin overload. Awful stuff that is.

Ah, and i rocked back and forth a lot as a kid. Classic autism thing. Usually when I played the piano (like that blind black guy does), although i was able to stop it… but sometimes I’d rock for no reason.

Stimming they call it. Self-comforting behavior.

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Indeed. Now for me, the rules are all internal rules. I don’t speak them or write them down. they’re just my internal “sorting mechanism” for figuring out situations.

Ethics, morality, right and wrong – when some people say “it’s all relative” for me it *really* is, because I can see different overlapping moralities and where they intersect and disjoin.

But as far as my own? I have long lists of social rules but I have no idea what my own are internally, except for a few very basics surrounding civility.

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I was never ‘moved’ by Philosophy or philosophers, strangely enough. I only “dove in” about a year ago in a serious study because it was something I’ve mostly avoided. I was 42, and didn’t know squat or care about Kant or Mills or much of any of it, except a few I already liked, mostly in the pragmatist camp.

I think I have a very strong internal ethic as well as very strong morals. But they come down to a few strong rules of each and they’re my guiding principles.

Yet, they’ve always been mine. I don’t recall ever feeling a sense of Universal ethics or Universal morals with, again, the major exception of civility. I have no idea where that came from, but it stuck. Anything more than that tends to be logic games to me and although I can play them, I only seem to utilize my existing systems with everything filtered through that.

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It’s likely we’ve come to the same places from divergent directions.

Stuff about Jesus or Buddha or King, I remember thinking, “I could do that. That’s the kind of stuff I’d do in that situation. That’s probably how I’d think if I were there”.

Empathy. Always seems to be front and center. Very “right brained”. On tests for this stuff, I end up “100% creative” whatever that might mean. I’m just myself.

INFP (if that holds any meaning or explanatory value)

For me, the empathy is something I’ve had to build walls around for safety. “Emotional manipulation”: that’s my enemy. I can spot it before it happens, and avoid or confront it, and I’ve got a whole arsenal of mental tools available for the purpose. Avoidance, is of course, easiest.

I’m even wary of emotionally manipulating myself, and don’t allow myself to enter into certain thought processes that can lead down dark alleyways and into logic mazes of dead ends and Minotaurs waiting.

So, lots of practice smile emoticon

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I can stand naked online. In person, I stand naked with strangers. No problems. With people I know? Eh, not so much. Their baggage goes with them – it’s almost visual for me – and their projection of the me-I’m-not-that-they-expect can be overwhelming, so most of my avoidance practice is with those I know, rather than those I don’t, to whom I can be more or less transparent.

M I/E is like 65/35 – something like that. I’m SUPER-HIGH on the intuitive. My T/F is nearly 50/50 (I think 45T/55F.. and my perceiving is as off the chart as is my intuitive.

Love this stuff. Took my first test in the early 90’s and been a fan ever since.. Even if it’s fluff scientifically, it’s as good a personality sorting tool as I’ve seen and it’s fun.

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