I’m not necessary for me to exist.

It will tie in:
Just yesterday, after years of going around and around a set of strange attractors, I stayed with one set until reaching a point where I could use it to explain a good part of me – if defined by mechanical flaw.
Born at under 1000 grams, I had everything that turns out to be nearly standard worldwide for those born under 1000 grams, whatever the post incubator decade it is.
A phenotype for the extremely low weight and/or extremely preterm birth. It took me four weeks to confirm it to my satisfaction but suddenly, yesterday, I realized that I had done so.
Inattentive ADHD, generalized anxiety disorder, general social anxiety disorder, half deaf, half blind, sensory processing disorders for a few.
From that, where did my musical talent come from? I can explain it if I like as a way of finding homeostasis to combat internal timing issues. And the pathways common to “perfect pitch” and constant internal musical dialogue are also commonly found in preterm birth brains.
Autistic like symptoms come out from stress but can go away in nice environments so no, probably not autism despite believing so for a long time; yet I can travel in the circles.
Hyperfocus is how to gather a sense-of-self from constant distraction at the cost of being unable to shift states quickly.
It can be described in Bayesian – as “heavily discounted priors” – very nearly dismissed – as the inputs from the present, or noise or error rate however you put it – overwhelm whatever minor contributions the struggling priors attempt: hence: “I don’t understand Bayesian” for what is belief to someone whose has lists of explicit rules and explicit axioms instead of implicit priors?
“Fast aging” of preterm baby brains means getting smarter faster younger in MOST things… neurons BUNCH together locally in great amounts instead of GLOBALLY across the mind as much — and the white matter does so even moreso — so DETAIL is fascinating but GENERALIZING can go anywhere instead of to standard social places because of greater LOCAL development compare to the slow standard generalizing development of most children, showing up as a “reading comprehension” issue or a “lateral creative thinker”, depending who you ask.
And so: fractals, fractures, how-do-things-work, noticing slight detail changes, shifting deeper into lower hierarchical levels gain greater pleasure. My ability with words comes with this as well: nuances are fun and everything is poetry.
But in coming up for air, I can hitch my wagon upon so many stars to connect the details down below that following standard generalization patterns seems equally valid to a number of other possibilities and nothing particularly special.
Social rewards likewise hold little pull: the gambling tasks can’t be set for that but for its own reward (the pleasure of the game itself).
And so: from this sketchy view of self-as-broken-machine, an AI algorithmic model that happened upon being “me”, is very plausible indeed from this view.
I know now it is possible and how it might be accomplished in a roughly modeled form that is not just outputting similar words, but having similar thoughts and “eureka moments!” and talents and errors.
I’m not necessary for me to exist.
And this is good. For this is but one view accomplished in an ontological pluralism that I cannot help but hold to because how can I hold to a single ontology if my Bayesian priors continually get submerged by the newest shiny or anxious thing?
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