I’m kind of a “service oriented” person: i like helping people, but I don’t like to use people or them using me, so I try to avoid that sort of thing from either side

lol well, I like to keep friendships deep and light at the same time if that makes any sense. I’m kind of a “service oriented” person: i like helping people, but I don’t like to use people or them using me, so I try to avoid that sort of thing from either side tongue emoticon

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Made plans long ago. it was, “if it happens it happens, if it doesnt it doesn’t”. I think I’m kind of a Newton – into whatever I’m into at the time, but not much in the relationship/marriage dept. I always figured I’d end up some day with someone who is compatible, was probably married and divorced already a few times, independent, whatever. But I dunno – I’m not against it, open for it, just hasn’t been something I worry much about. There’ll always be somebody out there for me, and me for them if I ever decide to go looking. My friend-pool is large enough that there’s likely _somebody_ out there who will be like, “Wait, you? me? together? Ok!”

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“Are you awakened/enlightened .”
I dunno. I’m always working on myself. Not sure if it’s something someone can arrive at and stay there. I just keep trying to better myself, improve my way of thinking towards myself and the world. It’s an ongoing challenge. I don’t know I am compared to other ppl, so I can’t say if I am or not honestly tongue emoticon
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 “You are the strangest guy I ever meet ever that’s why it makes me think you might be enlightened… Don’t be shy …tell me
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 Sometimes I see thing other ppl can’t see. I don’t know why they can’t. I try to explain it as best I can. When I was 11, I was at a weekend campout with a youth group. I sat in a big wooden cabin with a fireplace – a common area. All by myself, late at night, tending the fire. I was studying light in school, and wondered, “What if there were no colors and the only way to distinguish objects was through their light refractions?” and just like that, I could see it, overlaid on reality. Through to the end of the Universe, zooming in and out, through my feet, but I could also see my feet, through the earth, to the other side and beyond…. It was cool – I can see it right now from where I am just thinking about it. I figure I just have a good imagination, but it was the first time I remember having that “omg woah” experience where I felt like I could see and understand everything all at once, both a part of it and separate from it at the same time. [’cause SOMEBODY had to be going, “woah” so that must be “me”]. So, that’s one example. Is that enlightened? I dunno – I’ve always been easily drawn to mystical experience stuff.
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That’s a technical from 112 techniques of vigyan bhairav tantra
You are gifted indeed”
“I’m not enlightened so I don’t know what is it like”

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 I look at the world and I see “systems” and “processes”. Like, if I’m at a restaurant, if I can see the kitchen, I see the lines of activity between them, their emotional states pop in my head, seeing the one guy preparing the one thing, seeing the food item cooking and in the stomach of the person who is going to eat it later, the cashier’s unhappiness with her existence… .. stuff like that. Empathetic I guess. No idea if those things correspond to reality – it’s just something my brain does.
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hehe – I’m not very goal oriented either tho’. Like, I don’t really “plan” much of anything. I’m here. I deal with situations as they arise. I have no idea what I’m going to do until I do it (although I think about it just a moment before action)… I don’t have much in the way of hopes and dreams – just a general positive sense about the world and everybody in, and a desire to comprehend it all with my heart and be able to explain it if someone asks. So, I dunno. I’m just “here” I guess.
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 I’d get approached and I’d figure out then what I wanted to do. I usually let happen whatever happens, found myself in some odd situations, some good and some bad. Learned as I went along. I could never answer that question, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” I couldn’t answer it in middle school. High school. Adult life. Still can’t. I know the “secret of your future life is hidden in your daily routine” – that’s one of my “shower thoughts” from when I was like 14 yrs old in the shower and I was like, “woah…” when the words popped in… but beyond that? no idea. Just whatever seemed most interesting at that moment and I’d decide either to run with it, or say “no thanks”.
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 Hey if you got plans that you’re working with, I think that’s awesome! I guess I’m uber ADHD /hyper or something. I tried planning, goals, milestones. Read a great book on it once: “Getting Thing Done” – followed the GTD system… tried tons of others too. All were great systems… I just couldn’t stick to them for more than a few months or a year at most.
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 lol I guess I kinda do too. I look around every moment of every day and try to imagine, “Ok. What’s something NOBODY has thought of before?” and I try to think what that is. I used to be disappointed when I find I wasn’t the first or only, but now I’m like, “Ok, good, someone else thought of it first. Now I can let it go and think of something else”. And so, I keep going, tryng to avoid what’s been done before and see where it leads.
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 I mean, I try other ppls stuff. Like, if I think “hey, these guys seem to know their stuff”, I’ll try it. I always learn something. In my religious questing phase, went through new age, a little buddhism, a little meditation, a little quaker, a little unitarian, almost ended up roman catholic, dove right into Eastern Orthodox, almost became a monk full time, ended up getting a good job somehow, became “Mr. Science” about everything – somehow ended up 1000 miles away from there in the woods with 12 ppl for 14 years now running a business for my brother to keep a mortgage going, talking to you right now. No idea why. But the experience of life is fantastic, even when it’s bad, I always get something out of it.
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I tell ppl I’m agnostic. For me that means “I don’t know”. I’m open to possibilities. I rarely close anything off as “impossible” ’cause how the heck can little ol’ me know everything? And yet, that’ sone of my goals in life (I DO have some goal). I wanna know everything … or rather, understand everything.
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 i get that sometimes. Personally? I think we all have many voices in our head that come from all sorts of unexpected places inside. We hear a bit of something, our brain sometimes pulls up the most interesting things and says, “Here! It was a girl’s voice that you heard!”. But then again, it could be something coming from the outside: someone communicating with you. The universe is such an amazingly awesomely full place that I’m open to a number of possibilities.
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