I’m a cliche of myself… most of the time.
LB I really like this. Can you elaborate?
Well, it was the first thing to come to mind.
What you see isn’t fully me.
The me I show to myself, isn’t really me.
Yet, it’s “based on” me.
Even though I think, have emotions and respond, a good portion of it all is very nearly automatic. I can sit here and produce sentence after sentence, unraveling the nugget of whatever thought prompted it until my fingers get tired.
But… am I revealing me?
Well, yes I am.
But it’s a cliche of myself.
The deeper me that isn’t a cliche and feeds all of the cliches is barely approachable. It can’t come out at once in its raw form. I don’t know what it would be like, who I would be like, what everything it would encompass.
The deeper me would be unmanageable because there’s no “controller” present at that point. Can’t have that.
At the same time, I can work to make the cliche of me be as authentic as possible. I can mimic and imitate the real me better and better with practice and reaching deeply within.
But all at once? I don’t think that can be.
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^ role playing ^ yup. So much time spent on that. I try to minimize the roles I don’t like and maximize the ones I don’t mind.
My favorite is “deep thoughts dude”. I like being that guy. Wizard is great too as I like blowing someone’s socks off with mad fast technical skillz. But deep thoughts dude is easier ’cause I’m good at messing around with words. Clown sometimes too. I love making faces and stupid puns.
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I hate when someone wants me to be “Dependable On Time Guy”. I fight that one by procrastinating until they stop giving me that stupid part.
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I think the nature of experience/being itself is precisely at the crossover of paradox. You’re the paradox. I’m the paradox. Uncertainty the norm and certainty is the fantasy.
Here’s an odd thing – how I got this would take a long story of a self-understanding project I’m on, but I discovered that “be” and “experience” are antonyms of each other.
I pondered this the other day. I still am. To Be and To Experience are opposites.
The resolution is indeed strange when you try to figure out how to resolve the paradox by making them simultaneous:
“Being Experience”
“Experiencing Being”
Even with that, one seems to take primacy over the other, depending how you do it.
I’m still turning it over in my head when I get a moment or two during the day.
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