I’m 44. 0-30 is fun but it’s nematode. All the hype about “dead over 30″ is wrong. What happens is you stop being 11 and mischievous in the same way. Mischief moves to a deeper level, much more fun.
The “change” begins somewhere around 23-25. It starts to creep into you : it’s like getting a third or fourth or fifth eye. You’re the same person but there’s something new that grows inside of you. Nothing dies – oh no, it doesn’t die at all. But the new thing that begins to grow is something I don’t have a word for. It’s not adulting – that’s just roleplaying. Heck, I don’t know what it’s called. But it’s cool
There’s a whole series of lies we get told. Don’t worry about motivation or effort. Those are carrots on a stick to get you to suffer through school without killing yourself. – and of course, sadly, not everybody makes it through.
What happens is you look at the “you” that you just were like a pair of shoes that doesn’t fit. It’s weird, awkward… almost puberty Pt 2. Then, you start to see it. I dunno what it is…what it’s called. At 23 I was hanging out with friends who were 17 and I was buying beer for and we were all spitting on the backdoor of the local middle school. Cops came by: “Aren’t you too old for this?” he says to me. It was the last time I felt that, “Oh shit, authority” feeling in my gut.
After that, no fear. I feel a different kind of power starting to grow. At 25, situations wouldn’t whisk me away so much: I had two feet I stood on. I felt control. It’s a subtle control, a quiet control. I never really felt authority fear: even as a kid, teachers never scared me – I’d talk to anybody like an equal. But then, I really was. I could stand by ANYBODY of any age and say, “I could be you right now” and really mean it. I don’t know if it’s universal – might’ve just been me – but it was cool.
Anyway – thanks : I didn’t know I had these thoughts in me ’til just now: Never really thought about it all that much. You helped bring them out of me somehow, and now I have a better view of myself than I did before. Always learning something new like emoticon