If nagged into doing something, I don’t smile. I grump. But I do the thing. “Why are you so cranky?” I hear. I crank back, “I’m doing what you wanted.” etc. grump grump. I turn into a little kid instantly. Nagging brings out bad patterns.
Not a fan. But, it can be effective in annoying someone enough so that they do the thing.
The solution that works for me sometimes? I’ll say, “Write it down.” If I see it in writing, and I’m able to do it on my own schedule, I do it and I’ll smile while doing it even.
But if it’s verbal and it’s told to me at a time that I’m mentally occupied in something else repeatedly, I don’t react how I’d like.
Guy I grew up with is probably autistic spectrum somewhere. His mom had a solution that worked:
If she went on vacation, she would leave post-it notes stuck to EVERYTHING, with tasks on them and how long it would take.
Fridge: “Wipe shelves: 5 mins”
Dishwasher: “Put dishes away. 15 mins”
I guess I think of nagging in terms of chores mostly.
oh my nephew used to do that. I learned to toss questions back at him to deconstruct the request to buy myself some time. I’d also say in detail all the things needed for me to fulfill the request. I didn’t want to be an asshole adult but I needed processing time.
Same. It’s painful. I want to be helpful but nagging short circuits everything helpful in me. I need processing time, first usually to finish what I’m doing before I can even *think* about processing their requests.
OH YES – the OMG DROP EVERYTHING THIS IS #1 CRITICAL FOR EVERYTHING ACT NOW!!
Not everything is a crisis.
mine too. Time’s everything for annoying me PERFECTLY. Love my cat but damn they’re too smart sometimes.
If I’m asked a question first thing in the morning – any question that doesn’t involve: the toilet is overflowing… the house is on fire… I will not be Ken. I am anti-Ken, everything I don’t like being comes out.
They never learn.
Ah, you mean the “We need to talk about the thing”.
I’m not a winning human in that dept. If I don’t want to deal with something, don’t want to face it from their perspective, I use every trick in the book to avoid, change, reduce its importance, pick on an unimportant point to death… all to avoid facing “the thing” head on.
I work on that. I try to do better. But it’s hard. I usually blame timing.
It’s usually when I think their perspective is overly dramatic. They see DOOM AND GLOOM and I see “Its’ fine, we’ll tweak”.
Occasionally I’ve learned. Successful times, I will stop what I’m doing, go to a different room, shut the door. I’ll ask “What do you think we should do?” They say “What do YOU think we should do?” and then it gets difficult because I have to really put myself into “atomic wasteland” mode and come up with answers that aren’t stupid.
Takes a bit of mind reading. I can’t be sarcastic or flippant about any of it. It’s serious time.
It’s emotionally draining as I’m not in any control in that situation so it feels groundless. But I can get through it. I just have to flow with it.