I was raised in NJ. Never saw lynchings drawn on gym walls for 3rd graders but in 6th grade textbooks about our awful past.
Confederate flags were just “Rebel Flags” and just meant a kid started drinking Jim Beam and listening to Guns ‘n Roses or something and went with a mysterious POW/MIA bumper sticker. I don’t know why those things went together.
Southern pride was seen as a sad case of “woulda, coulda, shoulda” but not tied to slavery.
KKK was just something from the past. Nazi flags were for punk kids who didn’t really know what it meant that their skinhead older cousins got them into (who *did* understand).
So, that’s how I grew up. Learned a lot since.