I think you’re forced to lie to yourself constantly “I’m ok” when you’re not because you have to press forward… but in the process of lying to yourself and KNOWING you’re lying to yourself, it spills out everywhere because if you can’t be honest with yourself (because you don’t want to emotionally victimize YOURSELF) then honesty with others also proves difficult.
That’s my 2 cents anyway. I could be WAY off base.
[my answer to someone who doesn’t understand why he’s lying more to others]
Well, I’m thinking some kind of deep self-protection – layers and layers of shielding… I dunno… maybe you’re reaching an “I’m ok with being inconsistent”? at a deeper level? Hm, it’s a nameless set of emotions it seems like.
I’ve suffered from anxiety all my life. THey used to call me “inconsolable” when I was little. I had biofeedback training when I was 11 years old. It helped a lot. Learned to pause and reflect a lot while going through life.
Not a perfect fix. Still working on it. Still suffer from anxiety. But I’m able to reach a peaceful “ok-ness” most of the time now… as long as have SOME control of my surroundings somewhere… or at least can stick to a routine that I chose.