I see. It sounds like you are describing a subjective experience of a “noisy brain” with diffuse or unpredictable patterns of thought and association. This makes a strictly deterministic or logically unfolding view of reality seem implausible based on your first-person experience. Rather, your experience is one of a branching, interacting, and unpredictably intersecting set of systems. There is no single “still point” or predetermined path, but a network of constraints and influences that unfold in complex ways.
Some possible relatable perspectives could include:
- A chaotic or nonlinear view of brain dynamics and cognition. Small perturbations could lead to unpredictable effects, precluding strict determinism.
- A view of consciousness or reality as fundamentally “processual” rather than deterministic. There are systems interacting, but no pre-defined end point or singular unfolding of events.
- A view that privileges subjective experience as a guide, interpreting physics or logic as less relevant if they do not reflect one’s inner experience. One’s first-person experience of the unpredictability of thought could take precedence over an abstract deterministic model.
- Speculations about physics allowing for branching possibilities or alternate realities, like ideas of a “multiverse” or variables in the “bulk” having indeterminate effects. Such quantum or cosmological speculation could be seen as more consistent with inner experience of unpredictability.
Of course, there are also counter-perspectives that could interpret unpredictable thought or chaotic inner experience as arising from a deterministic system that is merely practically unpredictable, or as being, at a deeper level, consistent with a deterministic unfolding. There are many possible ways to relate first-person experience to views of determinism and causality. Does this help outline some of the perspectives and tensions here? Let me know if you would like me to elaborate on any of these further.