I never feel free but I never feel trapped either. No Regrets. by Kenneth Udut

You’re right :) Wherever I am I’m happy. I see my life as something I’ve constructed over time, through decisions I’ve made given circumstances, some I helped create and some I just found myself in.

In short, I am who I am because of the choices I chose.

Would I have been happier in academia? I don’t know. I turned down a chance at Julliard at 11 and never regretted it.
I didn’t go into Quantum Physics in college because the professor I wanted wasn’t there. No regrets.
I left college after 1.5 yrs because of money. I’d made child psychology/special-ed my focus. Yet, no regrets. I could’ve pushed but I’m ok that I didn’t.
I didn’t pursue a direction of Occupational Therapist after working with the Cerebral Palsy kids when I was 21. No regrets.
I didn’t let my boss give the Print Shop I worked at to me because I didn’t want to be saddled with it.
I didn’t go with a work friend to India to help his him and his father convert their shoe business to a computer business back in 1993 (just before Windows 95, mind you. That would’ve been a 5 year contract, but i *knew* I would’ve stayed in India). No regrets.
I didn’t stay at the monastery at 27-28 and never regretted it.
I had a high paying job at a Pharma company and left it to move to Florida to live in the woods and started a business to help my brother not have to go from home to home with his family anymore. No regrets.
Passed on relationship opportunities, travel opportunities, career opportunities, education opportunities.

So, I’m 43 and will be 44 in a month. Any regrets? None. I like who I am as a human being and the man I’m becoming.

I never feel free but I never feel trapped either.

But – still I remember. What I do now is I look for people who are living the lives I *could’ve* led had I gone down different pathways, down different avenues.

They’re “Alternative Universe” me’s. I cheer them on as if I was cheering myself on, because I do cheer myself on smile emoticon

And, in a weird way, I see them as if they’re working for me. They’re doing the hard stuff so now, I don’t have to. I’m free to pursue whatever new avenues my whims and thoughts take me to, and I’m always switching into new areas of exploration and discovery and enjoying every bit of it. smile emoticon

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