I like observing chaos and seeing what things I can do to shift the chaos in what I consider a positive direction. I don’t like getting in the middle of it but I like when I have “good timing” and find the right actions to take at the right time to shape it.
My relationship with chaos is an ongoing one. I keep my interference minimal and try to time things right so that the chaos shifts in a direction I prefer then I move on to other projects and let the chaos continue of its own accord.
“Ken this is the structure I never had in me . By observing or planning as u do is much better . Order , for sale .”
There’s a horrible drawback to this though: I get spent *very* quickly in truly unexpected situations when forces are far more powerful than I am. Once, lightening strike a tree near here. I helped put out the tree on fire. I did what had to be done. All action, no thought. 40 minutes later? COMPLETELY empty. Took an hour before i felt the pain and more hours before I could have a coherent conversation. So my battlefield abilities are war room only or peacekeeping.
I don’t trust my reflexes. I’m too strong for my reflexes to be useful most of the time. Raised differently, I have the body type/makeup to get in bar fights at the slightest offense, then lay there afterwards while other people drag me home.
Never wanted to be ‘that guy’ so I never was. I rerouted to my brain instead. Conscious control at all times. “Letting go” not an option. Vigilance of self. I have a strong idea who I’d be otherwise and that Ken’s been gone since the 3rd grade, last seen when I was 16. No need for him to come back.
“ u body type reminds me of a healthy Robin Williams .”
Thanks – I’m ok with healthy Robin Williams. I definitely have his spazziness – although I hold back the physical most of the time unless I’m in a positive-vibe high energy situation.
My temper’s still there but I have an internal ‘heat sink’ where I try to let it cool off in.
Daily practice. Get lots of it. Occasionally curse off people in my mind while walking by them but not letting it show on my face. Not proud of it but so far it seems to be invisible enough.
Usually though, I just feel sympathy for someone who gets my goat. Pity if I’m really annoyed with someone. I don’t like feeling pity for someone so I’ve only reserved it for a very few.
Once I feel pity for someone, I’ve given up on them. I don’t like giving up on people.