I know there’s a difference in the perception of time in the Chinese language that doesn’t always translate well.
If I remember correctly, Western sees time as near past/present/near future.
But Chinese sees time as Far past, Far future with the present also included but it’s situated in the context of all time basically.
oh! Well, I tend to back off at the end and allow the victory to the other party. It’s a face saving move as face usually matters more to other people than to myself and I am looking long term.
That said, my know-it-all-ness can get in the way of that. But when I remember, I take the step back towards the end.
My beliefs change very slowly over long periods of time. It is rare that a single conversation will have a dramatic impact unless the ‘magic words’ are found. In that case, I am usually exuberant as I love moments like that.
But most conversations are basic sparring.
I don’t know if my modesty is genuine or a parry. I notice patterns and processes. I tend to follow similar patterns and I notice them, like noticing a musical score as it plays.
When I listen to music, I hear all of the separate instruments playing independently while they play at the same time.
It is how my brain works. I anticipate where they are going and notice their patterns but all the while I am enjoying the process while also being aware of it.
Another analogy: I can know the ending of a movie and it will not spoil my watching of a movie.
So, I am aware of the procedures I tend to follow in conversations while also experiencing it. Is it genuine or false? I don’t know. But it is genuine to me.
Oh, authenticity to me is true to process and function.
The motion of stepping backwards and allowing the victor to take their prize is, to me, modesty.
I have no desire to strike back. It’s not strategic to win another fight later. Rather, my goal is friendship which lasts longer than any conversation.
What is nice about friendship is it bypasses time.
Days, weeks, years can go by. But when you reconnect, it’s as if no time had passed by.
The content of individual conversations matters less than the totality of the existence of the friendship itself
That said, if authenticity is a parry or genuine, both or neither? I don’t have any conclusive response I can give that will or could change your thinking. I’ve made my case as best I could.
There’s something I should be doing that I’m not or that I am doing ineffectively or incorrectly.This is what they call pragmatics and it’s the very obstacle I occasionally run into that I have difficulty with.—I’m aware that I’m doing it wrong. I’m sorry you see it as an attitude problem but this is a procedural problem. I don’t know what to do next or should have done.There is no “there” there for me to go to.—It’s like being expected to dance without knowing the steps.