I get spoiled by that max speed and frustrated when I hit upon cognitive traffic jams

Likely being 1/2 deaf, 1/2 blind, born at 26 weeks (it now seems it was 26 weeks not 28 weeks which is even more preterm) – retinopathy of prematurity — best I can figure out is that the white matter in my brain “bloomed” in spots as the rush of oxygen came in too early… ..and the blooming (or premature aging) might mean there are traffic jams in a sense of white matter – all these little trails to wander off to that go nowhere, almost like a pile of uninsulated wires with voltage passing through causing heat instead of moving energy through as conduits… and so forcing those systems just generates more heat instead of using the slower (rational) systems that can’t react very well but can deliberate and reason verbally internally and are less likely to traffic jam – if given enough room to operate in. and all that gets bypassed when working with “muscle memory” – highly skilled mechanical things like typing or piano playing I just ‘do’ at max speed. And — I get spoiled by that max speed and frustrated when I hit upon cognitive traffic jams

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