I’ve had friends with aspergers / hfa tell me that I seem to be an aspie. It’s possible: I can certainly relate to a lot of their struggles.
For example, when someone wants a straight “yes or no” out of me, it’s hard. There are SO many factors to consider when providing a “yes” or “no” answer. Expressing an absolute certain when one isn’t, when there are facts and considerations left unturned, makes it very difficult.
I can say “close enough yes” or “close enough no” but an absolute isn’t always a simple matter.
I see what you’re saying, but every question can be complexified. I do it all the time and have to quash it.
Example: “Did you eat such and such?” What would that trigger in my internal mental responses?
“ok, what are the consequences of a yes answer? If I answer yes, will he be mad at me? If he’s mad at me, will I lose privileges?
Will a yes answer force me to choose a different set of responses to him for as long as my “yes” answer is in effect?
What are some potential conversations we might have in the future? If he buys food, will I be restricted from getting any because I ate some food without permission first?
Or will he forever be suspicious of me if I say “no when I did?
But a “no” is a lie because I ate the food. Then I have to deal with being a liar. What else might I lie about in the future? What kind of character does this say I have?
Besides, he’s in my bubble. He needs to get out of my bubble and not engage with me further about this.
Time to use: Technique: Confusion”
OPEN MOUTH. BEGIN CONFUSION SPELL.
People with hfa and aspergers are often excellent chess players (not always of course) because they’re thinking ahead many moves. But this can also be a drawback because in the heat of the moment, sometimes you have to make a quick decision and just deal with uncertain consequences.
Of course, there’s no “just dealing” with uncertain consequences.
[ps – I don’t actually think: time to use Technique: confusion” because the hemming and hawing over straight answers is a natural consequence of verbalizing thoughts. Given enough space and time I can come up with a yes/no answer and it will be honest but I will be prepared with the consequences based upon what knowledge I have at the time.
Socially however, taking a long time to answer yes/no questions is interpreted as lying. This is one of the differences. You’re more likely to get a true answer if you give enough time/space to someone with aspergers/hfa than if you use brute force/being loud to compel a quick answer.
The quick answer you get will uncertain truth-value and will *probably* be a no, because a “no” usually has fewer consequences than a “yes”.
If you want to get a faster honest answer from someone like that, I’d suggest:
Let them know that you know yourself in much the same way as they know themselves.
“I know I can be [insert negative traits you have].” Give them a chance to air other things they see about you that won’t be pleasant for you to hear.
Someone like that (we’ll say (x)] always has to deal with other people (y’s) telling them THEIR (x’s) negative traits, without expressing their own (y’s) negative traits.
This comes off as “You’re flawed, I’m perfect and you should listen to me because you’re flawed and I’m not.”
In a case like, “Did you eat such and such?” this may be overkill. But I’m just thinking longer-term strategy for establishing rapport that might/might not help.
In short, Alpha-modeled behavior is ineffective with aspergers / hfa.
“Respect my authority” actually knocks the person modeling the Alpha-style behavior down a notch or two in the mind of the aspergers/hfa.
I used to think this was a generational thing (GenX is known for this way of thinking), but apparently it’s also a trait of aspergers/fha as well…. so honestly, my own “flat hierarchy” view of the world has an uncertain source.
Toddlers do things purposely to get a reaction out of their parents.
They do something naughty and await the funny faces and screaming that ensues. “Do you think this is a game?” yes, yes they do.
Kids, teens and adults do this as well.
The masters at it are senior citizens. Lots of practice.
might’ve nailed it on the head with the “troll nature”.
Also seems to me the problem might be that you’re making the questions too dumbed down and simple.
The person you’re talking to obviously isn’t dumb and might consider your methodology patronizing.
Complexity or be more straightforward. “Did you come into the side door?” – the person thought ahead and predicted you meant something about a muddy floor and said they’d mop it.
They might be trying to avoid a long and protracted discussion.
It seems they may be answering your questions (in their head) with,
“Why do you care?”
and that’s the question they’re answering when they answer, filling in the story as best they can.
You: “Did you come in the side door?” [expecting YES/NO]
Them: Silent inner process:
‘why does he care? what does he want from me? he’s probably complaining about the wet floor because when i use the side door, i walk across the kitchen and left wet footprints’
Audible: “I’ll mop it up later”.