I bring this stuff up because the perfect wording doesn’t erase human nature. When people listen to what you have to say and like it, they can form crushes on you of a sort. Start adoring what you say. They may even put everything you say into practice…. dutifully. Hardest thing is, you won’t even notice it happening while it’s happening.
After all, they respond just the way you’d like.
Next thing you know, you have a following and it almost doesn’t matter _what_ you say at that point because while they may use critical thinking elsewhere, they won’t use it with you.
Example: Have you ever been in a class where you KNOW what the teacher is going to say before they say it? Where you’ve figured out “their pattern”?
Let’s say you encourage argumentation. Well, there’s going to be a form to that argumentation, maybe several forms. Someone who uses your forms just the way you’d like to see it is following your pattern – perhaps because they wish to impress you, to be a good student.
You can’t objectively notice it in the relationship. Other people can see it but all you’ll see is somebody who “gets it” and you’ll see the student as an equal. But they won’t see you that way.
This is a struggle i go through. It might not apply to you at all. I want to stand up and declare “my answers” and I do it a lot. But then, I notice people who seem to adore everything I do. At first, it’s a great feeling. But then I realize that it almost doesn’t matter what I say or do, they’ll like it.
That’s when I realize that I’m now in a position of Responsibility that I didn’t want to be in. So, I have to shake it off. Do something wrong. Spoil the milk. I hate doing it. But I want equals not followers.
anyway, I’m just projecting onto you. I just struggle with authenticity and it’s a pain in the ass. One day maybe 10 years ago, I jokingly got an internet “Reverend Kenneth Udut” certificate from the Universal Life Church to remind myself to *not* let myself turn into a leader. Earth Day 2015, I stuck my photo on the Earth Flag (the nice blue one with the lines) and declared myself President of Earth with all of my opinions of “Everything should do *this*” to be as if I were the President of Earth declaring “What’s Right For Everybody”.
I have to mock myself and my tendencies. I can’t say it’s the right thing for anybody else. No idea. But here’s what I see in you Scott Brizel:
Scott, you’re excellent with words. Clear. Concise. Interesting. You give off the impression of someone who knows what they’re talking about. You know what you want to say, you know how to say it, and you say it. Even if I disagree, you always make sense.
Scott, you always make sense.
You’re logical. Thoughtful. Thorough. Endearing. Humble. Brave (giving thoughts on topics some would not dare and speaking well on them).
You know how to guide people successfully. You are wise in the ways you work with large groups of people. [I’ve seen you in groups online and I don’t remember if you headed groups or not as it’s been a while, but I always felt that you were one of the leaders / moderators of groups, whether or not you were].
So, these are things people might not always tell you. For many things, I look up to you. I also know the danger in that from both sides.