I allow myself to get wrapped up into things sometimes. I call them “projects”. That changes the sensation of the passage of time for me, although I don’t know what of my experience is relatable or generalizable or universaliziable or whatever.
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I’m terribly impatient. [that’s usually what gets me started on projects: First I look to see if somebody else did the thing I want to see.
I look and look and I don’t see it anywhere. I get pissed off. So, I do it.
Some things I’m incapable of doing. Computer paint is beyond my ability. [self-organizing computers you paint on any surface]. For that, I have to wait.. and wait.. and wait… and it feels like forever.
But other things I can do when I don’t see them anywhere.
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Some are time consuming: I can’t export my brain all at once to the computer. So I have to do it slowly through conversations with people online and then save what I write. Or I make ‘something’ that exports my thinking.
Others are quick. Example: One day I realized the lyrics to the US national anthem fit perfectly in the Soviet National anthem. Came home, wanted to see if anyone else noticed it. After a while, I found a band from the early 80s called Iron Curtain did. YES! I was not alone! But I wanted to hear it over the REAL soviet anthem. Nothing. Nobody.
So, at 4:20am I whisper-sung into my cheap laptop microphone, pitch shifted down to fit, and ended up with tihs crap.
Got idea, did project, done. Satisfied.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fEJ3V08jYQ
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I think my secret is I don’t care about quality. I mean, sure, I’d LOVE results to be perfect but that takes too damn long and that just lets the critics stay in control. [including myself].
So I just plunge ahead, make it happen, proof of concept. If someone wants to criticize they can do so. Their ccriticism doesn’t impress me because THEY didn’t do shit, just complain. If they want it better, they can do it.
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Same believe it or not. I’ve been fighting myself on this my whole life so far. Sometimes I give in.
Example As a kid I hated food touching. Forced myself to ‘get over it’ by allowing food to combine on the plate. Sometimes I’d force them together, trying to find interesting nuances of flavor from the combining.
Then, about a year ago, I was like, “Wait. You’re an adult. If you don’t want your food touching, separate them if it makes you happy.”
So, now I take a moment and push the stuff on my plate apart and eat the way I want to eat it.
It’s a small victory but a victory.
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I think I fill myself up with project after project BECAUSE I’m avoiding objectively more important projects. “Can’t do [x], I’m busy” when really, I’m avoiding.
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