[3/22/2015 KU response: I guess I was “huggy” back then. Now? Blech! Hugs. Yuck]
How to communicate successfully, (c) 1992 Kenneth Udut
When something was done right, always acknowledge it.
Words are best at first, later follow words with actions. At some point in time, just an action like a gift or a hug will be enough to
acknowledge it. But ALWAYS acknowledge them, even the littlest things.
When something is done wrong, use your judgement. Most people occasionally want to know what they are doing wrong. But it is usually best to keep your mouth shut, having an “I want to be honest with you for a second, if it’s ok with you” talk once in a while.
At times, especially in a close relationship that hasn’t had too much communication, it’s best talk out all of the negatives while hugging.
When you want someone to do something for you, keep speech to a minimum, once that person knows what’s going on. Trust that the person is capable of handling it without having it spelled out.
Written words are VERY good, as well as actions such as snuggling close to a loved one when you want to be cuddled.
Establish that there is a basic understanding between each of you –
that you are able to communicate in a fashion other than words.
1) Written words work the best.
The words sit there as a constant reminder. Try not to use
actual instructions unless truly needed. Trust that the job at hand will be taken care of by some means. Lead it to the person’s own ingenuity to figure out the details.
2) Actions appropriate when there is a bond of some sort.
There are basic needs of every person. A hug is a basic thing that EVERYONE needs and appreciates, no matter how much it doesn’t seem so. A few gentle words usually suffice if your actions aren’t clear.
3) Keep your spoken words gentle and positive.
Negativity is too much of an accepted thing. Start talking positively and gently. You will get more done that way. Spread some positive light into the world. We all need a little bit of it.
(version 0.01 – tossed up on June 23, 1992)