Having to face the ones I’m ignoring so much that I’m not conscious of their existence.

Having to face the ones I’m ignoring so much that I’m not conscious of their existence.

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Four years ago, I challenged myself to find them.
I asked myself:

“What am I avoiding, right now?”

I started writing a list until I was done. I noticed my resistance levels.
Then, I asked myself again:
“What am I avoiding, right now?”
A level deeper. More resistance, a little headache.
Then, I asked myself again:

“What am I avoiding, right now?”

I continued one or two more times.

Then, I was frozen. I couldn’t write anymore. I knew I was right on the edge of something. After a minute I tried again:

“What am I avoiding, right now?”

I couldn’t do it. I hit a wall. There’s stuff behind that wall. What’s behind that wall?

No idea. But I know it’s there.

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