Female teacher abuse, boys image of self, power, third gender, male/female artificial cultural divide.

Female teacher abuse of boys.

A lot of boys’ humor surround that very topic. It’s a deeply engrained part of culture, right alongside the MILF concept. Same idea. All quite strange when you stop and think about it.

In each case, the male is seen as the initiator and age of either party isn’t even a consideration. Myth of male power I guess.

Here’s one joke I remember growing up. The concept is deeply embedded, which is why it’s _very slow_ to change:

“Class dismissed!” the teacher yelled but little Johnny doesn’t go.
He walks to the teachers desk and says, “Teacher can i go home with you?”
The teacher says “No!”
Little Johnny says, “I’ll tell my daddy.”
So the teacher says, “Okay.”
They get to the teachers house and she says, “Well i’m going to take a quick shower, you sit right here.”
“Can i take a shower with you?” he asks.
The teacher says “No!”
Little Johnny says, “I’ll tell my daddy.”
So the teacher says, “Well okay, I guess.”
So their in the shower and little Johnny says, “Can i turn off the lights?”
The teacher says “No!”
Little Johnny says, “I’ll tell my daddy.”
So the teacher says, “Okay.”
So the lights are off and little Johnny says, “Can i stick my finger in your belly button?”
The teacher says “No!”
Little Johnny says, “I’ll tell my daddy.”
“Well okay.” says the teacher, “JOHNNY!, that’s not my belly-button!”
“Yeah? and that’s not my finger either!”

Powerful players: Little Johnny (male), Little Johnny’s Father (male),
The Teacher (female) pretends to be powerful but at every step of the way, is thwarted by son and by invisible father (the threat of punishment “I’ll tell my Daddy”)

It’s a joke that a lot of guys laugh at, including me. I laugh because it’s absurd and ridiculous. At least, I laughed as a kid. There was lot I didn’t know. Yet, Mary Kay Letourneau *seemed* to change that for society.

Seemed to.

But what are the media reports generally? How happy they are. “True love conquers all”. and other strange myths of our culture.

It’s not to say that true love isn’t possible and all that. But it’s fundamentally a myth, and allows for a lot of very strange behaviors to fall under the radar or are excusable because, “Love”. Stalkers? Are they romantics who believe in true love? In many cases, yes. THEY believe it, not seeing the pain they cause their victims. What does Disney and music perpetuate? Love will find a way. etc. All that stuff may be true… but it’s no excuse for badly behaved people.

I don’t find that joke funny as I did in 4th-7th grade (whenever it was) of course, as I learned about abuse of power through romance and sex, learned that such things really _do_ happen. But the answer isn’t to blame men.

It shouldn’t become a “men vs women” issue. That makes the problem worse. The divide continues on.

The criminals committed a crime and should be punished for the crimes. Justice should be dealt out fairly and blindly. There are women’s support groups who cheer on the hold-overs of the double-standard because it allows this type of behavior to continue, so called “cougar pride” and such. There don’t seem to be any cases of “all women this” or “all men that”.

Gender neutrality within the system is the only solution. If it becomes a “Men are all [blank]” or “Women shouldn’t have to [blank] at the hands of men”, it perpetuates certain crimes as happening only along gender lines.

Male victims will continue to under-report because they’re supposed to “man up”. From 3rd grade on, guys are supposed to “shut up and take it” – whatever “it” is. We don’t complain. We have to pretend to “have it all together”. Can’t show weakness. Must be super-heros. Strong and silent. We have to be really smart and have all the answers. We have to be strong enough to be leaned on. Shut up and take it. Be a man. Men aren’t allowed to be victims. Men aren’t supposed to blame others for their problems. Leads to under-reporting of abuses.

I don’t expect to see a gender-neutral system (courts, media, society, culture) within my lifetime – I believed it was possible once. But the mistrust runs deep. There’s no real basis for the mistrust between genders except our culture expects it to be there, and continues it. We each continue it without even realizing it.

Anyway, that’s my two cents. I’ve been told I take a feminist perspective. Not even sure what feminist really means but I’m ok with that word if it works for people. I just don’t like divisiveness in society.

Sorry for the long post. Idealist 18 yr old me believed all kinds of hippie ideas. 43 year old me still believes in them but knows he won’t live to see things fixed, even if I lived another 150 years.

Every single time I would hear, “Men are all [x].. .but not you Ken, you’re different.”, I cringe deeply inside. It means we’re _very_ far away as a society. Boys will continue to receive messages about “How To Be A Man” from the adults and culture above and absorb and incorporate them within their own sense of self.

“Men are this – oh but not you of course”. It’s the same as if someone says, “Women are all this – oh but not you, you’re not like other women” – it creates a 3rd Gender box – a weird amorphous, fluidic place, all because I tried to be a nice guy as a kid, and try to be a nice guy as an adult. The nameless 3rd gender has to go. It won’t… but it should.

I’m a man because that’s my gender.

If I’m an asshole, then I’m an asshole. Two different things altogether. The judge who says, What boy wouldn’t want a piece of that candy was an asshole and an idiot, who also has a penis. All or most men wouldn’t say that. There are some women who would say that (again, cougar pride for some don’t have standard boundaries). Sorry for the rant SP - I appreciate the post as it helped me gather my thoughts on the issue. I’m glad you brought it up. Thank you.

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