I’ve tried to find successful turkey bacon. Haven’t. They can turn turkey into anything except bacon. Total fail. Decaf I switched to once when I was on an excess caffeine situation and wanted to detox a little but I love my coffee. Went back to caffeine once I realized it was the ephedrine and Niacin excess.
Non alcoholic beer _could_ work if I switched it in regular bottles/cans… if I wanted to subvertly use my clear-thinking to rationally overcome a group of drunk people who thought I was drunk like them and cause them to do my bidding… but generally best avoided.