well my goal isn’t a God’s eye view objective understanding of reality that is true for me and you and everybody for all time.
Rather, I have an intuitive notion of how the world works from my perspective.
What I’m looking for is affirmation or confirmation that it is valid.
Problem is I don’t know how to word this intuition therefore I can’t find it easily.
So I go on these quests that can last for days or years before I find the right thing that is suitable.
I don’t know what it looks like until I see it but I can’t put it into a bigger picture either.
I gather it and I know it belongs in the final product whatever it is.
But even when I have the final product I might not be able to explain it adequately because the goal is for it to confirm to myself that my view of the world is echoed elsewhere by scientists mathematicians professionals somebody out there.
But how do you find out what you’re looking for when you don’t know what you’re looking for until you find it?
That’s what it’s been like.
So yes I am probably on the wrong side of the tunnel looking at the right thing.
I have to go down the tunnel maybe I’ll get to the right place in five years or two minutes.