Bullying doesn’t toughen you

Bullying doesn’t toughen you up.  His life is summarized up by his death and people will pick him apart on Internet forums, just as badly as he was picked on while he was still alive.  But, this was a real boy.  Really dead.  Really gone.  But… he’ll just be a new thing for people to talk about.  So I am too.  It’s important to learn to be tough if you are different than those around you, but that doesn’t mean bullying is ok.  Life can be tough for everybody, even if all bullies went away, which they probably won’t.

Pisses me off that in 2014 it can still happen just like it always did.  I could tell stories.  My mother had similar stories when she was little that happened in her school as well.  Same age.  Same type of situation.  It never changes.

My grandmother who has been dead for 13 years and she’d lived to 84, had stories from when SHE was a little girl about boys who killed themselves from being bullied – and THAT was a long time ago before ANY OF US HERE were even BORN.

Yet here we are.  Still happening.  No changes.  It never changes.

[continued after a wonderful response from a friend]

I’m honored.  I’ve never been the Internet’s King before today, but if there is ever an issue to be receiving the royal treatment for, it’s this one.

I’m passionate about bullying, both from treatment that I had received and also, the treatment I would see inflicted upon others while in school.  I heard stories of mistreatment.  Not just from kids vs kids, but teachers who bully, parents who bully, adults who bully each other, people who bully animals…

I was lucky.  I never dealt with “swirlies” (getting your face put in a toilet and flushed) but I have been the target of groups that felt akin to being Piggy for a day from “Lord of the Flies”.  I knew kids who got worse treatment than I.

I even watched some of the bullies words come out of myself on a couple of occasions, as I tested out this wicked power myself, then watched the hurt my words or actions had on my victim’s face and my heart fell immediately and I REMEMBERED:  I remembered that feeling.

I understood the moment of glee but it was immediately doused with the chasm of emptiness that fell over me when I realized what I had done and been the cause of.

I learned to be internally stronger.  I’ve always been a fighter.  I learned ways to escape the chasing and hold my own in fist fights but I never mastered verbal abuse or handling mental torment; the girl that stares at you until you crack and you make the loud sound of rage that makes the whole class laugh and the girl smug.  The ones that set you up so that you get in trouble.  A few events of that nature caused me to always pay attention to the teacher and ignore the students; good for my education, horrible for my social life.

I give that everyday example, rather than the rocks hidden in snowballs during a supposedly honest snowball fight that broke my glasses, or being physically surrounded by a circle of Larger ones where I became their plaything… because I think it is the less dramatic examples; the ones that should be most easily stopped… that slide by the most and are accepted as “normal”.

But it’s not.

For this, like Chinese Water Torture, can cause someone to find suicide as the only option, doesn’t surprise me.  Bruises heal but mental anguish only feeds on itself and gets worse and worse.

I’m passionate about this and I accept my crown for a day on this issue.  And you, my friend , are a Real Man.  Of this, I have no doubt.

The powerless attacking the more powerless, I understand.  I feel pity for bullies, both those who know full well what they’re doing, and for those who need medication and aren’t fully aware of the depth of consequence.

For they are also victims of the neglect of their hearts and they are passing on the neglect to others by attempting to destroy that “spark” in their fellow human.

We can outgrow much in our childhood and we do.  But some are wounds pasted over with soap bubbles, easily popped in the future at any age, and leaves parts of ourselves perpetually wounded.

Thank you for resharing my words.  I hope it helps someone out there.  This boy will never live again.  I don’t like using his story to prove a point for he’s NOT a story, he’s a real person.  Who is dead.  Living no more.  Gone forever.  It didn’t need to happen.

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